


Frayed Confessions

by BuddingClover



Series: Frayed SOULs [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Sex, BDSM, Bara Sans (Undertale), Coma, Daddy Kink, Dialogue-Only, Domestic Violence, Dysfunctional Family, Ecto-Penis (Undertale), Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everyone has their own nickname for you, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, Family Issues, Girl Penis, I promise, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Medical Conditions, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Trauma, Mommy Kink, Multi, Original Character(s), Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Penis In Vagina Sex, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Prison, Reader has a Penis, Reader has breasts, Reader is not Frisk or Chara (Undertale), Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Size Difference, Size Kink, Stuttering Alphys, Suicide, TERF, TERF's, Torture, Trans, Trans Female, Trans Female Character, Transphobia, Vaginal Sex, Why?, at least in the beginning, because i'm an unrepentant monster fucker, it makes sense within the context of the narrative, monsters got BIG when they reached the surface, reader can hear, reader is a trans girl k?, reader is in a coma, reader's name is never shown, spousal rape, that's why, transitions to a more traditional structure over time, transphobic comments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:15:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26097721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuddingClover/pseuds/BuddingClover
Summary: When they needed an understanding soul, you shouldered their burdens.When they needed forgiveness, you opened your arms to them.When they needed each other the most, you brought them back together.Real shame about tearing yourself to pieces in the process.
Relationships: Alphys (Undertale)/Reader, Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), Asgore Dreemurr/Reader, Asgore Dreemurr/Toriel, Grillby/Muffet (Undertale), Mettaton (Undertale)/Reader, Mettaton/Papyrus (Undertale), Muffet/Reader, Papyrus (Undertale)/Reader, Sans (Undertale)/Reader, Toriel (Undertale)/Reader, Undyne (Undertale)/Reader, grillby/reader
Series: Frayed SOULs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1901029
Comments: 46
Kudos: 102





	1. Confession I

**Author's Note:**

> So I've had, like, three different Undertale fic ideas bouncing around the inside of my head, lately. One of them is Would You Believe I Could SAVE You, of course, but I'm also dabbling in another Reader-insert Reader/Asgore fic called "A King's Mercy," and then this one.
> 
> I don't know exactly why I decided to work on this one first, it just seemed right. WYBICSY will have a *lot* of sexual and physical violence in it (it's absolutely a self-indulgent edgeplay fic), which is definitely not everybody's cup of tea, so I wanted to give the Undertale community something a little less explicitly dark. There are still elements of non-con/rape (specifically spousal rape) both implied by the reader's traumatized reaction to things and eventually discussed, but no graphic non-consensual scenes will be posted to this work. For those who may have darker tastes or an interest in CNC scenes, I might post a separate connected work with those scenes written in more detail.
> 
> Fundamentally, Frayed Confessions is kind of an experiment??? I remember when I was a lot younger, my grandmother used to collect Star Trek novels, and I fuckin' LOVED those things. And there was one in particular that was basically Spock and Kirk trapped in a cave or something, waiting for the Enterprise to rescue them, and they're just sitting there talking to each other. The entire story was written like that - it was just their dialogue back and forth. And for whatever reason, that stuck with me through the years. I've always wanted to toy around with that, so I guess that's where we are. No guarantees this'll be anything other than cringe for which I boldly refuse any shame over.
> 
> As always:
> 
> 1) Tags will update as necessary, since this is another one I'm kind of writing by the seat of my panties, but I tried to tag all of the majorly triggering or highly specific fetish stuff we'll be getting into from the start.
> 
> 2) You can go into this fic blind or see the End Notes for kink / trigger warnings.
> 
> 3) And remember, it's just a story! Have fun!
> 
> PS: I did not forget that I promised another chapter or two of But a Walk In the Woods! Promise! 💋 It's just taking me longer to find the headspace to put out anything of quality for that one. It's emotionally difficult for me to put myself back into the proverbial boots of pre-transition me. But I'll get you what I owe y'all wonderful readers, honest! <3
> 
> PPS: Also, since AO3 doesn't do fonts, I'm gonna' upload a PDF of this eventually with all of the character's speaking in the right font lmfao

hey there, Venus.

hold up, lemme' just get situated a little here.

there we go. that's better. heh, these chairs aren't much to wave a thermometer at, but as far as hospital decor goes they're pretty _medi_ -cool.

...

sorry. paps would prob'ly chuck his skull across the room if he knew i was still droppin' these sick puns in an icu ward. hell, he'd prob'ly have undyne come in here herself to chuck me into the comedy dungeons if she were still doin' that royal guard thing. heh.

you always loved 'em though, didn't ya'? what was it you called 'em, "dad jokes?" what a wild fuckin' night _that_ one was, huh?

sorry, gettin' ahead of myself.

...

_fuck_ . "gettin' ahead of myself," who am i kiddin'? i don't even know if you can fuckin' _hear_ any of this.

...

stars, i'm sorry, Venus, i'm _so_ sorry. i told myself i was gonna' stay _bone-dry_ tonight, and i was gonna' be cool about this. i wanted to show you that i could be strong for you now, but i can't seem to jam up this leakin' faucet that's been rattlin' around the inside of my skull.

the doc says that maybe you can hear us, even if you can't say or do anythin'. he says maybe you're half-awake sometimes, even though this "coma" thing makes you seem like you're out cold.

Venus, babe. you gotta' come- _on_ and gimmie a break here. i - i don't know what to do with any of this. i...i feel absolutely powerless. you _know_ how fucked up that makes me. saps me of _everythin'_ , leaves me feelin' like the walkin' dead.

heh.

...

anyway, the doc says that maybe you can hear us, right? says maybe, if ya' can, then us sittin' here with you and keepin' you engaged might help your recovery? so here's the deal. we're all gonna' act on that chance. doesn't matter how remote it might be. 'cause the alternative is too shit for anyone to grapple with right now, ya' know?

and, uh, maybe also 'cause some of us are a little selfish? this is...it gives us a chance to say some things to you that i think you needed to hear...before. things we shoulda' had the _guts_ to spill when it woulda' meant somethin' for us to say 'em.

...

please don't hate any of them, Venus. _please_ . especially not paps. he didn't...he didn't know what he was saying. he didn't understand why it would hurt ya'. i don't think you've ever been tha' type to hold that kinda' grudge, but i guess i'm kinda' scared that this is as good a time to change that as any? i **swear** to you, he understands it now. too well. hasn't slept or said more than three words to anyone in days. already hates himself, but he doesn't deserve that.

maybe that's somethin' better saved for him to say. yeah, that's gonna' be a thing. so, we all knocked our skulls together tryin' to figure out what would be the best way to go about this. it's, uh, pretty fuckin' hard to figure out what you want to say to someone with what might be your very last words to 'em. heh. actually, it was paps who came up with the idea. he's just the coolest, smartest little brother i could ever have asked for, ya' know?

see, we got here because none of us realized how bad things had gotten for you, y'know? there was always so much shit goin' on and gettin' in the way. not...not tryin' to make any excuses, by the way, just explain some things. so paps is real deep in thought while we're all barkin' at each other about what would help the most, when he just _grabs_ Fluffy-buns by the damn **horns**! oh my stars, Venus, you would have -

well, actually, you probably would have been beside yourself in worry to see him manhandlin' the king that way, but, afterwards, definitely. after, we'd all have had a good laugh about it. so paps _grabs the goat by the horns_ and says in this real quiet, somber voice:

"WE SHOULD TELL HER A BEDTIME STORY. I CAN ATTEST THAT THERE ARE FEW DELIGHTS MORE NURTURING TO THE SOUL THAN A GOOD BEDTIME STORY WHILE YOU DOZE."

heh. can you believe that? a bedtime story. how absolutely friggin' paps. and what kind of bedtime story does he want us to tell you?

well, its based on a true story. its about a girl so hurt she was seein' demons in every shadow. it's about a girl who had such fire burning inside her soul, even if she forgot. it's about a girl who remembered how to tell somebody "no." there are lots of other characters too, but none of them are half as important to the story.

"but sans the storyteller, i already know this one" i hear you say. well, maybe you do. but we want to tell it to you from a slightly different angle - a complete 180 degree change. its gonna get _hot_ , heh.

see, this is also a story about a girl who rebuilt a broken family with all that love just gushin' outta' her. but she didn't feel loved back. and we all wanna make sure that the _whole_ story gets told. 'cause that little girl is the richest girl alive if we're only countin' love. and it'd be a real shame if the story ended lookin' like she was alone.

...

still don't know if you can hear me. not even really sure it matters. can't imagine you're caught up in a forgivin' mood. but maybe that's better. if you hate me, and i just keep on babblin' at you, eventually you'll get so frustrated that you'll push right through this and tell me to shut up, right?

heh. that'd be nice. feel free to do that at any point you want, by the way. if it means you getting outta' this lysol-smellin' bed, you could tell me to go fuck myself and i'd head down to the bank to cash that check with a fuckin' _smile_.

anyway, i better head out for now. im pretty much at my emotional limit right now. plus visitin' hours are almost over, and there's so much work to do puttin' everything else in the world back together again. 'course, i'm not complainin'. you carried the hard part and saved all our skins. all we gotta' do is clean up the aftermath of our own mess. that's not a bad deal, all things considered.

but, no, i won't be going first. i need to spend some time alone. well, i've had a lot of that lately, but i mean specifically so that i can do some positive and _constructive_ thinking this time. damn near a whole 'nother mount ebott worth of things i wanna say to you are whirling around my soul and my head and i gotta' figure out the right way to say 'em before i start.

also, paps was super insistent on taking the first turn. i told him he can take his time, but, he says he knows what he needs to start with. i guess it makes sense, you know him. can't stand to leave anything just _lying_ around, 'eh? 'eh?

...

i'm gonna' head out, then, and paps will be here tomorrow afternoon. once he finishes with a bunch of negotiations he and frisk got roped into after everything that happened yesterday.

i...i'm not gonna' kiss you or anything. stars do i want to. but i don't have any right to touch you that way right now, i feel like. plus, no way to know that you'd even feel it, right? i just wanna' say that I Love You, Venus. we all do. i know we haven't done a real good job of letting you know that, but we're damn well gonna' start trying to make up for that. for as long as you let us.

so just lie back and enjoy the show, babe. let us take care of you for a while.

sweet dreams.


	2. 👎✌☼😐

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ✡⚐🕆 ✌☼☜ ☠⚐❄ ✌☹⚐☠☜

⚐☟  
  
  
☠⚐🕈  
  
  
🕈☟✌❄ ✋💧 ❄☟✋💧  
  
  
🕈 ☟ ✡ ☟ ☜ ☹ ☹ ⚐ ❄ ☟ ☜ ☼ ☜


	3. Confession II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus goes first.
> 
> Does he hit it home?

GOOD MORNING MY PRECIOUS MA-

OH NO! SANS, HELP ME! ABORT MISSION! I'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN TO DELIVER MY AMAZING APOLOGY, HAND-CRAFTED TO ONLY THE FINEST OF STANDARDS BY ONLY THE GREATEST OF SKELETONS (nyeha, that's me!) AND I'VE ALREADY SET IT ON FIRE!

nah, bro, you're doin' great. i'm sure she'd appreciate that you're takin' how she might be feelin' into account.

NNNNNYEEEEHHH!!! NO, SANS! I MEAN, I'VE LITERALLY SET THE ROOM ON FIRE! TEAR YOUR ORBITAL SOCKETS AWAY FROM THAT NUISANCE OF A GLOWING POCKET WINDOW AND HELP ME! ALSO FOR STARS' SAKE, SANS, FINISH YOUR SENTENCES! YOU LAZY BAG OF BONES! I CAN _HEAR_ YOUR RIDICULOUS AND BORDERLINE-CRIMINAL ABUSE OF APOSTROPHES AND IT'S MAKING THE EARS THAT I DON'T POSSESS LEAK THE BLOOD THAT I DON'T PRODUCE!

uh, wait, you - _what_ ? bottom of the mountain, paps, _how_!?

I SWEAR, WHY ALPHYS EVER DECIDED THAT MONSTERS NEEDED TO UPGRADE TO "SMART PHONES" IN THE FIRST PLACE, I'LL NEVER KNOW! WHAT A JOKE! HOW CAN A PHONE BE SMART!? CERTAINLY NOT SMARTER THAN THE WELL-EDUCATED PAPYRUS! LET'S SEE YOUR _PHONE_ CONSTRUCT SUCH INFERNAL AND DELICATE PUZZLES AS I! AT LEAST I HAVE A _DEGREE_ TO PROVE HOW SMART _I_ AM! NYEH!

uh, heh, yeah paps. 'course you're right. but, uh, maybe that's not what's important right now!? how did you even manage to set the room on fire!? _there wasn't any fire in your plan_!

D-DON'T GET CAUGHT UP IN THE LITTLE DETAILS, SANS! AS GREAT AS I AM, I ALWAYS COME PREPARED! EACH OF MY CAREFULLY FINE-TUNED SCHEMES INCLUDES AT LEAST SOME SMALL MARGIN OF ERROR! N-NOT THAT I EVER NEED IT FOR MYSELF, YOU SEE, IT'S MORE A MATTER OF GENEROSITY! I FIND THAT OTHERS ARE LESS INTIMIDATED BY MY GREATNESS IF THEY KNOW THAT I'VE ACCOUNTED FOR THEIR NOT-SO-GREATNESS AND MADE ACCOMMODATIONS FOR THEM!

...

that's so cool, paps. heh, you're the best.

YES! WELL, OF COURSE I AM, SANS! AFTER ALL, I HAVE TO SET A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR MY DEAR OLDER BROTHER TO FOLLOW, RIGHT? THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME PUT OUT THAT TEENY, TINY LITTLE FIRE! WE SPRUNG INTO DECISIVE ACTION WITH SUCH TERRIFIC GUSTO THAT YOU CAN HARDLY NOTICE ANYTHING WAS EVER WRONG!

heh, yeah bro. i'll just swap some of this medical equipment out real quick so that nobody asks any questions and then i'll head out so you can do your thing.

try not get to _bonely_ without me. wink.

SANS! DID YOU JUST _SAY_ "WINK!?" GYAH, GET _OUT OF HERE YOU HOOLIGAN_! YOU'RE GOING TO MESS EVERYTHING UP WITH YOUR HORRIFIC PUNS AND FREE-SPIRITED APPLICATION OF LANGUAGE!

lol. sure bro, love 'ya. good luck. i wish i could stay to give you a hand, but i'm gonna' need both of these for work today.

SANS! FOR STARS' SAKE PUT YOUR HAND BACK ON AND ACTUALLY _LAUGH_ INSTEAD OF - AAAAAAAND HE'S GONE. OH, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THAT UNDENIABLY ADORABLE BUT MADDENINGLY IRRESPONSIBLE BROTHER OF MINE!?

. . .

I - I AM SORRY FOR ALMOST CALLING YOU MY MATE EARLIER. I . . . DON'T KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME NOW, BUT MY FEELINGS FOR _YOU_ REMAIN UNCHANGED. FOR YOU SEE, THE GREAT AND LOYAL PAPYRUS NEVER TURNS HIS BACK ON HIS LOVED ONES! NYEH!

. . .

E-EXCEPT THAT I DID, DIDN'T I? I DIDN'T MEAN TO! I PROMISE, PRINCESS, I _PROMISE_! OHHHH, I HOPE YOU CAN FEEL HOW TIGHTLY I'M GRABBING ONTO YOUR HANDS, I NEED YOU TO FEEL HOW INCREDIBLY SINCERE I AM! SEE HOW I AM ON MY KNEES BY YOUR BEDSIDE!?

WELL, NO, I SUPPOSE YOU CANNOT.

NYEHEHEH! BUT THAT'S OK! I TOOK YOUR FITFUL STATE INTO ACCOUNT!

. . .

Apologizing to humans is very hard. When I hurt the feelings of another monster, showing them how sorry I am is so very easy! So much of our communication is "non-verbal." I learned that word from Alphys recently, while I was studying how to apologize to humans!

. . .

I miss hearing you tell me that you're proud of me whenever I learn something new or accomplish a feat of heroics appropriate to one of my amazing stature. Sans has tried to "pick up the slack," as it were. Everyone is beside themselves with grief and fear, Princess, but Sans is probably the worst off by far. He . . . doesn't think that I see it.

He has always thought he could hide his pains and fears from me.

A-AH! BUT, I AM GETTING DISTRACTED! CURSE YOU, NON-LOCALIZED AURA OF DEPRESSIVE MALAISE!

AS YOU KNOW, MUCH OF HOW MONSTERS COMMUNICATE IS THROUGH OUR SOULS - THAT'S WHY WE CAN UNDERSTAND ONE ANOTHER EVEN IF WE USE DIFFERENT WORDS! BUT . . . THERE-IN LIES MY CONUNDRUM.

I - YES, I _COULD_ COMMUNICATE WITH YOU IN THAT WAY. BUT I DON'T THINK THAT I SHOULD DO THAT. I'M NOT SURE HOW YOU WOULD REACT IF YOU KNEW THAT I WAS TOUCHING YOUR SOUL. AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED. IT WOULD BE OF TRIVIAL CONSEQUENCE TO ME, OF COURSE, BECAUSE IT IS AN EVERYDAY OCCURRENCE. BUT I KNOW THAT YOU ONLY WANT LOVED ONES TO TOUCH IT. AND M-MAYBE YOU HA-

. . .

N-NYEHEH, EXCUSE ME HUMAN. WHAT A TERRIBLE AND NIGH-OVERPOWERING COUGH TO HAVE TAKEN OVER ME, WHO HAS NO LUNGS. BUT OF COURSE THAT IS _EXACTLY_ WHAT IT WAS! AFTER ALL, THE GREAT PAPYRUS DOES NOT BREAK DOWN INTO A FOLDED PILE OF SIMPERING BONES!

SO, SINCE SOULSPEECH IS OUT OF THE QUESTION, I HAD TO LEARN THE WAYS THAT HUMANS TELL EACH OTHER THEY'RE SORRY AFTER HURTING ONE ANOTHER'S FEELINGS! AND _WOWIE_ , THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT IDEAS AND APPROACHES! IT CERTAINLY THREATENED TO BE AN OVERWHELMING TASK FOR EVEN ONE AS GREAT AS MYSELF!

BUT IT SOON DISCOVERED THAT _NO_ ENEMY IS TOO GREAT FOR THE UNRIVALED WIT AND UNYIELDING MIGHT OF THE GRRRRREAT PAPYRRRRRUS! NYEH!

I FOUND IT IN A BOOK! IT WAS ONE OF THE FIRST BOOKS YOU EVER RECOMMENDED TO ME! I THINK THERE IS TRAGIC ROMANCE IN THAT. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT SAID? IT SAID THAT HUMANS ARE JUST LIKE MONSTERS! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?

WELL, OK, MAYBE NOT EXACTLY LIKE MONSTERS, BUT WE'RE VERY SIMILAR! IT SAID THAT MOST OF _YOUR_ COMMUNICATION IS NONVERBAL TOO - YOU WATCH FOR CHANGES IN EXPRESSION OR BODY LANGUAGE TO HELP YOUR SOULS PARSE OUT EACH OTHER'S INTENT!

. . .

OH STARS. I HOPE THAT WAS NOT A VERY DELICATE OR, ERM, EXPENSIVE, PIECE OF MEDICAL EQUIPMENT . . . PRINCESS I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW YOU HUMANS CAN TOLERATE SUCH TINY SPACES! I FEEL AS THOUGH I AM NEARLY CONTORTED DOWN INTO ONE OF THOSE FUNNY LITTLE "CLOWN CARS." MAYBE BECAUSE I AM ALMOST FOLDED IN HALF TO STAND IN HERE WITH YOU.

ANYWAY! I WAS SO VERY EXCITED TO STUMBLE ON THIS REVELATION! BUT . . . THEN I REMEMBERED THAT YOU CANNOT SEE ME! WHAT A TERRIBLE DESPAIR THAT WAS! A NEAR-FATAL FLAW IN AN OTHERWISE GRAND SCHEME OF INCOMPREHENSIBLE BRILLIANCE! HOW, OH HOW, WAS I EVER TO OVERCOME THIS WEAKNESS!?

WHY, BY UTILIZING THE ONE SENSE YOU MAY STILL HAVE TO COMPENSATE FOR THE ONE'S THAT YOU DON'T! FROM NOW ON I AM GOING TO NARRATE MY EVERY HANDSOME GESTURE AND EXPRESSION, DOWN TO THE MINUTEST OF DETAILS, TO PAINT YOU THE MOST VIVID MENTAL PORTRAIT OF MY CONTRITENESS AND APOLOGY!

THIS I CRY TO THE HEAVENS AS I STRIKE THE MOST DRAMATIC POSE I CAN THINK OF ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE! MY BATTLE BODY SPARKLES AND SHINES EVEN IN THE MEDIOCRE OVERHEAD LIGHTING OF THIS HOSPITAL, NEWLY BUFFED AND WAXED TO A MIRROR SHEEN! I STAND TALL (well, I crouch slightly) WITH ONE BOOT STANDING FIRMLY ATOP THE MATTRESS NEXT TO YOU, RIGHT HAND DRAWN HEROICALLY TO MY CHEST ABOVE MY SOUL AS MY CRIMSON SCARF BLOWS IN AN EPIC WIND THAT ONLY I CAN FEEL!

. . .

O - OH NO! MY FLIP PHONE (THE MOST ADVANCED PHONE ANY SELF-RESPECTING MONSTER WOULD EVER _NEED_ , FEH, SMART PHONE INDEED!) IS CALLING OUT DESPERATELY WITH MY EMERGENCY RINGTONE! THIS COULD ONLY MEAN THAT THE ROYAL GUARD IS BEING SUMMONED! BLAST IT! MY BELOVED BROTHER'S INABILITY TO STAY ON TASK HAS BEGUN TO INFECT ME! I WASTED TOO MUCH TIME PRATTLING ON ABOUT MYSELF AGAIN! I'VE WASTED MY FIRST CHANCE TO APOLOGIZE!

. . .

(E-excuse me, Princess, I need to pick this up.)

. . .

Worry not, your desperate phone call has reached the Great Papyrus!

. . .

O-oh, is that so? Very well, Papyrus shall arrive to save the day soon!

WITH A DEEP SIGH OF CRUSHING REGRET (nyeeeeeeeeeh . . .), I SLOWLY TURN TO FACE MY ESTRANGED-BUT-FOREVER-BELOVED PRINCESS ONCE MORE! BUT A SINGLE STEP OF MY GREAT STRIDE BRINGS ME FAITHFULLY BACK TO YOUR BEDSIDE, THAT I MAY GAZE LONGINGLY AND LOVINGLY UPON YOUR GENTLE FACE. BRIEFLY, FORGETTING MYSELF AND WHAT I'VE DONE, I BEGIN TO REACH OUT TO STROKE YOUR CHEEK - BUT ALAS! I MUST JERK MY DISOBEDIENT HAND AWAY AS THOUGH YOU WERE THE FIRES OF MY BROTHER'S JUDGEMENT AND I A TRUE SINNER!

FEAR NOT! I MAY HAVE . . . MISHANDLED . . . THIS APOLOGY, BUT I WILL RETURN TO MAKE ANOTHER ATTEMPT AS QUICKLY AS I CAN!

. . .

I know I have no right to ask this of you, especially given that you are unable to consent, but, please. Forgive me for indulging myself and making as many of them as I need to until I get it right.

It's . . . important to me that I get this right.


	4. Confession III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I guess it's true what they say.
> 
> That road to Hell?
> 
> It's paved with good intentions and DETERMINATION.

..........

..........

..........

Um, h-hi.

..........

..........

..........

Look at all th-these tubes. It's b-barbaric. They should have l-let me do this. I-I-I-

..........

..........

..........

I could have you w-way more c-comfortable than this.

..........

..........

..........

I d-don't understand why no one has asked about this.

Sans should see it, at least. He always sees right through all m-my screwups.

B-b-but nobody has asked. No-b-body has even g-glanced at me.

..........

..........

..........

Am I sick? D-does it make me sick a-and horrible that I'm g-g- _glad_ ?

..........

..........

..........

I'm sorry. I have to g-go. This is t-too much, I-I c-can't-

..........

..........

..........

I wish I'd never t-taught you anything about SOULs.

You weren't supposed to  _do_ that.


	5. Confession IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans seems to enjoy playing chauffeur.
> 
> What could it be that makes him so uncomfortable to come see you on his own?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering "what was with all those sexual tags and kink warnings, there's been nothing sexy yet," or "why is this fic rated explicit," don't you worry my sinful little lovelies~ Nobody's in the mood for sex right now, but you can bet your bottom dollar they're gonna' start talking about it soon-ish!

hey babe.

fuck, i'm sorry it's been a few days since anyone's come to see you. there've been some, uh, _complications_ since everythin' went down last week. nothin' you need to worry that pretty little heada' yours over, we've got it all covered. work's just been a real _monster_ for everybody.

in fact, i can't stay today. i...know that must sound like shit. i'm sorry i haven't come back for a real visit. Hell, the last time i was back here was just to bring paps.

i told you before that he pushed to go first? i've...got a confession to make. i don't want _patella_ buncha' lies to you anymore. 'sfunny, i used to think i couldn't tell **anyone** about the fucked up thoughts tumbling around the insida' my skull. now keeping secrets, 'specially from you, just makes me feel sick.

i, uh, didn't even want paps in the **room** at first, let alone going first. and, Venus, lemme' tell you - i've known that babybones a loooooong time. i know he can be, heh, pretty insistent when he gets excited over somethin', but i've never seen him put his foot down like that before. especially not on me! tried to tell 'em that's not exactly my fetish, but...

ugh, sorry, bad joke. absolutely not the time, i know. i was just thinkin', on the way over here, 'bout how much you've changed my life over the last few years. and papyrus'. everybody's lives, really. even before any of us were, y'know, a **thing**. i didn't, uh, have a high opinion of you or what you do when we first met. and i know you told me to stop holding on to the shame, but i still struggle with some of the shit i said to you about it back then. especially given everything you've been through...

sorry, work's got me so _brow_ -beaten that i'm havin' a real hard time stayin' focused on anythin'. i guess the point is that it really slips my disc to know that we were all too pre-occupied with our own shit to see what you were goin' through. i think about how you felt...what you thought _we_ thought about you... we all owe you everythin'. everythin', Venus. the fact that we're all still standin' here today, **havin'** to deal with all this political fallout crap, is proof enough-

Saaaaaaaans! Can I come in yet!? I've been standing out here for _hours_!

heh. come on kid, throw me a _bone_ here. it's only been about three minutes. but, yeah, i shouldn't take too much longer anyway. might stop keeping track of the clock and end up behind again today. gimmie just another minute or two.

...

hey, i hope it's okay, but the kid's been dyin'-

...

uh, sorry, um, maybe not the best euphamism right now. frisk's been begging us to bring them in to come see you for days, now. undyne's waiting out in the hallway, so you don't have to worry 'bout frisk getting home or anythin'. i dunno' if she's gonna' wanna' say anythin' herself before she takes the kid home. i heard she and alphys got into it pretty bad a few days ago. i don't know what alphys said to you when she was here, but one of the visiting doctor's who's in charge of your case brought it up to toriel. guess he thought whatever she said might be bad for your morale or somethin'. toriel talked to undyne about it.

...

oh, man, i wish i hadn't told you that. i know how you get with these things. if you can hear me, stop it. stop it right now. don't blame yourself for any of this. you...you did what you thought you had to do to save us. i don't like it, and i don't know if there was anythin' else we coulda' done, but...it worked. everybody's alive, and the house is full of anxious monsters waitin' for you to come home. you're not responsible for whatever fight those two had.

anyway, i better get going. i...you don't have to feel the same way, Venus, but i still love you. i've been practicin' what you were tryin' teach me before all this shit hit the fan. that radical acceptance stuff. it, uh, it helps, actually. a lot. and i'm choosin' to accept that this is one thing that i **can't control** , no matter how sharply that sets my soul on edge. i can't control if you love me back anymore, but i wanted to make sure you knew I don't regret settin' aside a place inside my SOUL for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Radical Acceptance is a part of the tools and skills that DBT teaches you. I've been learning about DBT from my girlfriend, lately, because I have a lot of mental health issues related to self-worth and past sexual traumas. Honestly, I think everybody should study and practice DBT - it's not just good for people with mental illness! Learning how to recognize when our reactions to something are destructive, and practicing better coping mechanisms, could definitely help everybody - especially in today's chaotic world.
> 
> Also, yes, Frisk is our next chapter!


	6. Confession V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's nothing more tiring than playing a role all your life.
> 
> Through one another, the two of you found solace in this shared plight.
> 
> Don't you remember...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeh, I dunno' about this one.
> 
> I shared what I needed to share, but I have to find the right tone for Frisk. :\
> 
> Fair warning, the next chapter is going to be EXTREMELY uncomfortable.

_Auntie_ ! Oh my God, I've been trying to convince Mom and Dad to let me see you for _days_ ! They wouldn't let me come by myself, can you believe that!? I ducked, dove, dodged, and flirted my way across half the Underground _by myself_ , and they still treat me like I'm made of glass!

...

...

...

Okay, looks like Undyne got up to go get something to eat. It should just be us for a while, Auntie.

I miss you.

I'm exhausted again. All the time. Like before. I told you before, ever since I helped free everyone from Mount Ebott it's been non-stop politics and acting. "Negotiations" this, and "treaties" that. And no matter how tired I am or how sick of it all I get, I have to keep this horrible smile plastered across my face. Nobody can ever know how much I hurt. Well, Sans knows. Sans always knew. But I don't think he likes me very much anymore...

You always listened to me, though. I never had to pretend around you. You... Mom and Dad know that something's wrong, but I can't ever tell them the truth. They _can't_ know about Flowey, or what kind of person Chara really was. I'm afraid of telling them. I'm afraid they'd Fall Down just from hearing it. But you listened to the entire story and...you still _loved_ me. You didn't look at me like I was some kind of demon. I know Sans thinks that he's good at hiding it, but I can see the look in his eyes when he's been staring at me just a little too long.

What makes it worse is knowing that he's not _wrong_! I let Chara in. I...I let him use my body to do all those horrible things. I even _laughed_ about it after a while, once the Dust started filling the Underground to my shoulders.

You're going to come back, right Auntie? You said you loved me. You said that I was just as important to you as Mom and Dad and Sans and everybody else! You _promised_ me that you were going to stay and we were going to figure out how to be one big happy family!  
  
You - you -

...

...

...

Please. Don't leave me alone. I know how Asriel felt, now. I'm not ready for you to go away. I'm not ready to be left alone with no one to help me. I remember, before, when I was trapped in the darkness of the Underground and I cried out, only for no one to come. I can't do that again. I just can't. I'm not strong enough.

I can't pretend to be an innocent little kid for much longer without you.

...

...

...

I know what you did, you know. I think I might be the only one, except maybe Alphys. I don't think any of the others have the experience with SOULs to really understand the _gravity_ of what you did. Except for Sans. But Sans is being a huge stupidly-loyal butthead and won't CHECK you without your permission again! If he would just CHECK you, he'd see it too! Then he'd know what to do! Sans always knows what to do!

...

Eek, I'm sorry Auntie! I don't understand why pulling your SOUL out is so hard now... The doctor says you can't feel anything, but I'm sorry if that hurt. And I'm sorry for looking at it without your permission, but I had to know. To be sure.

...

Your SOUL's clear. It's completely transparent. It's _empty_.

Is there anything of you even left in there...?


	7. Invasion I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I swear,
> 
> To do no harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies! Clover here!
> 
> I just wanted to take a quick moment and let you know that this chapter may have some themes in it that some readers may find disconcerting, including minor references to transphobia. Nothing explicit or overtly sexual or violent, and nothing not already included in the tags for the work, but I wanted to give everyone a heads up before they start digging in!
> 
> I hope you enjoy~ 💖

Goo~oo~oo~d morning!

Damn, it's awful gloomy in here, huh? I guess you haven't had any visitors for a few days. Let me just grab these curtains real quick-!

There we go, that's better! It's been almost two weeks since I've seen you, although you likely don't remember me. I'm Doctor Harken, one of the doctors that the Ebott Medical Outreach Board called in from around the country to help handle the overflow of medical emergencies since your little accident. I've been heading up the team in charge of your case since you were first brought in to Genesis Medical Center.

Now let me take a look at that pretty face of yours!

...

...Doctor?

Oh, sorry, lost in thought. You know how us old men can be. A single stray thought sends us careening down memory lane, haha! Nurse Greenhill, could you please hand me her chart?

...

Thank you, Nurse! Now, let's take a look-see, shall we? Oh, Ms. Greenhill, do you know if this is up-to-date? Did we get the results on those neural scans?

Yes, Doctor, they're on the last few pages.

Ah, so they are! Thank you, thank you. Now, let's take a look-see at your results here, shall we miss?

...

Hm. CT scan came back clean. So did your MRI. These EEG results, though...

...

Nurse Greenhill? You can head on out if you want, I'm sure a busy young woman like yourself has plenty of patients that need her attention. I can take over from here. Not much to be done right now but keep waiting, I suppose, but I'd like to run her through a small number of physical tests to see how she responds.

Are you sure, Doctor? He's -

_She_ , Nurse Greenhill, is fine. Look, light as a feather – I can handle _her_ just fine. I _respectfully_ _suggest_ that you find yourself another patient to treat right now.

...Fine.

...

Well, now. I apologize for that little display, miss. You would think that Ebott's medical professionals would be more sensitive to, ah, _diversity_ , what with the Monster population and all. Ah, I suppose some people are just stuck in their old ways.

Take me, for example. I'm not ashamed to admit that when I first heard about these creatures crawling out of a hole in the ground, my first thoughts were of demons coming to steal our women away, haha! You know, just like all those old movies – the ones where the flying saucers were held aloft by twine and the monsters were just overworked, underpaid men in rubber suits. I'm ashamed that I _felt_ that way, but not ashamed to be honest about it. Took me a long time to wrap my brain around the idea that these were, well, people. Once I figured that out, though, was dealing with them a Hell of a lot easier. Actually, it was sort of like learning to deal with people like you.

It was an awful struggle learning to appreciate the kind of... _beauty_...you have to offer.

When I learned about your, ah, _condition_ , I fought tooth-and-nail to get your case away from the other doctors. Greedy little nimrods, the lot of them. None of them have the training or experience in handling patients like you. They all just want the prestige of having provided medical care for the Princess. None of them know how to take _care_ with their choices.

Of course, neither do you, do you? Why are you associated with convicted murderers? Why did you give the _King of Monsters_ , of all people, medical power of attorney? Do you have any idea how difficult it was to demand an audience with him when _our own government_ wants him buried and out-of-sight for life!? If I hadn't risked my _life_ to force that bi-their Queen to listen to me, who _knows_ which one of these absolute _quacks_ could have endangered your chances by taking on a patient whose care is far too complex for their wanting experience!?

...

Well, no matter. I won't let any of them near you.

...

I apologize for my outburst, miss. It has absolutely been an incredibly exhausting week, with how many gruesome injuries we've seen and patients we've lost. My pride as a doctor may be taking a bit of a beating and making me possessive of my patients. A possessive doctor's never been a bad thing, though, now has it? Someone has to let that Death know to keep his clammy, spectral paws off of our patients, the rat bastard, haha!

Alright, now let's see about those tests, shall we?

...

Hm, no reflex response. Your eyes remain glassy, dilated, and unfocused – they aren't tracking _anything_. You seem totally cut off from the outside world. That must be _terrifying_.

Well, not to worry, the good doctor is here to help. That's what I always do! Help the broken ones. Like so many before, you've made _terrible_ decisions, surrounded yourself with so many unwholesome acquaintances. We're going to work _very_ closely for the next few months. I'm going to do everything in my power to ensure you a speedy, if not complete, recovery.

Ah, speaking of which, it's time for your medicine miss! I'm going to give you an little stronger dose today – I really don't like the results of that EEG I ordered. I thought maybe giving it to you in smaller doses every day would help, but you seem to be building up something of a resistance! Which is, admittedly, baffling. I've never seen that happen before. I didn't know it _could_. But, one large dose ought to be enough to settle those results back to a more stable pattern where I want them.

Hm. Here, let me take a hold of your arm real quick. Maybe it's getting diluted by the IV drip.

Ah, your arm is so smooth and slender. And...cold? Like a rod of glass. Did you know that glass makes for some of the most beautiful sculptures? Their extremely transparent, no matter how complex they pass themselves off as, which I can't help but find to be an important part of the context of their charm. Well, that, and they have to be handled with such...care.

Wouldn't want them to shatter before their time, after all.

...

...

...

There we go! Well, I'll leave you to let that settle in, then.


	8. 👎✌☼😐☜☼

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ✋💧
> 
> ❄☟✋💧
> 
> ☟☜☹🏱✍

⚐☟ 👎☜✌☼

☹⚐⚐😐 ✌❄ ✡⚐🕆☼ 💧⚐🕆☹

☹☜☞❄ 💧☹✋🏱🏱✋☠☝ 👌✌👍😐 ✌☠👎 ☞⚐☼❄☟

👍✌🕆☝☟❄ 👌☜❄🕈☜☜☠ ☝☜☠☜💧✋💧 ✌☠👎 ✞⚐✋👎

💧🕆👍☟ ✌ 👎☜☜🏱 👍☼✌👍😐

💧⚐ ❄⚐☼❄🕆☼☜👎

💧⚐ ❄☜☼☼✋☞✋☜👎

💧⚐ ☟⚐☹☹⚐🕈

💧⚐ 👌☜✌🕆❄✋☞🕆☹

✋ 😐☠⚐🕈 ✡⚐🕆 👍✌☠ ☟☜✌☼ 💣☜

👌🕆❄ 👍✌☠ ✡⚐🕆 ☟☜✌☼ ✡⚐🕆

☹ ☜ ❄ 💣 ☜ ☟ ☜ ☹ 🏱 ✡ ⚐ 🕆 ❄ ✌ 💧 ❄ ☜ ✡ ⚐ 🕆 ☼ 💧 ☜ ☹ ☞


	9. Reflection I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all this time
> 
> Are you sure it's still you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry it's been, like, two weeks since I've posted anything. I picked up a few shifts at work and they drain me the fuck OUT lol
> 
> That, plus I've been chugging along on some personal projects of mine. I've got a small group I'm trying to get together for a regular roleplaying game night on Fridays, and I'm gonna' start with the Dragon Age rpg from Green Ronin, so I've been cranking out homebrew and converted content for that! I haven't run anything in, like, 3 years, so wish me luck everybody! 😊
> 
> Anyway, this wasn't originally meant to be the whole of Reflection I, but I decided to chop it out and separate the first Reflection chapter into two separate chapters.
> 
> 1) I didn't want to make y'all wait for more content any long lol
> 
> 2) The Reflection chapters change the narrative style - these chapters are memories, and thus in 2nd-person narrative rather than dialogue only. So I wanted to make the first one more of a introduction to the next so that it transitions a little better.
> 
> Enjoy lovelies! <3 💋
> 
> PS. I am working on what has become Reflection II, and I hope to have it out in a day or two. I had to do some pretty extensive rewrites of it because I realized I was veering off from the direction I wanted to go, and while normally I'd allow it and see where that takes me, there are specific things I want to reveal in the plot that just weren't compatible. C'est la vie. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The Darkness now is as the Darkness then.

✋⬧ ♓⧫

There's a kernel of something deep and poignant in that, somewhere, you muse. Something profound about every shadow fundamentally tasting of the same frigid terror, no matter how different their shapes may be. But it's more than that, isn't it? The poetry of it cuts far deeper than you appreciate, especially now that the darkness is now much more literal than figurative. The shadows you once held wrapped tightly around the raw core of your being may have numbed you as deeply as this black expanse, but somehow being swallowed by its embrace was so much worse. Your eyes, your skin - even your _lungs_ felt frozen and crushed by the intense negative pressure of the embryonic nothingness in which you were entombed. It was oppressive, really. Unending darkness so black you somehow knew instinctively it could eat even the brilliant shine of a naked soul without a moment's hesitation.

✋⧫ ♒◆■♑♏❒⬧ ♐□❒ ⍓□◆

For just how long had you stumbled through those empty years in your life? You struggle to remember, but for all your efforts you feel that your only reward would be a splitting headache. If you could feel your head, anyway. Why did you let them layer themselves around you like that? You don't remember much about the time you spent alone except for a vague feeling of ice gripping your heart, pretending that the biting chill of it was the burning warmth of an open fire. Like the one that you and your mother used to sit in front of those precious Friday evenings while your father lounged in his leather chair – it seemed like a leather _mountain_ more than a chair at that young age – and leisurely slung a few responses to the last of his work emails.

✋ ♋❍ ⬥♓⧫■♏⬧⬧ ⧫□ ♒♓⬧ ♓■♎♓⬧♍❒♏⧫♓□■⬧

Was that why? Had you simply grown so accustomed to the darkness that you had forgotten the feeling of its hands around your throat was a sign of danger and not an invitation home? At some point you learned to accept that you would never stand at anyone's side again, that you didn't _deserve_ to, and you suppose now that it only made sense that you would make a lover out of your own morose solitude. If you can't escape a demon, why not wrap it tightly around yourself like silk scarves and robes? Convince yourself to believe that the pain of its thorns and claws tearing into your side while you dance your life away inside of it are velveteen little kisses?

👎□ ■□⧫ ⬧◆❒❒♏■♎♏❒ ⧫□ ♓⧫

But that darkness wasn't...unbroken. Between the Then and the Now, you vaguely recall a fleeting pinprick of light. Or was it a roaring star erupting to life directly in front of your face, shining brilliantly and suddenly into your eyes to trick you into confusing the sudden blinding light and sizzling heat that had marched mercilessly into your life with the lonely darkness you had come to know so intimately? How had that light even broken through – how had you ever become aware of it?

✋⧫ ⬥♓●● ■♏❖♏❒ ●♏⧫ ⍓□◆ ♑□ ♋♑♋♓■

Paps.

Of course.

Now you remember.

Everything started with your knight in shining battle body.

🏱 ✌ 🏱 ✡ ☼ 🕆 💧

🏱 ✌ 🏱 ✡ ☼ 🕆 💧

🏱 ✌ 🏱 ✡ ☼ 🕆 💧

🏱 ✌ 🏱 ✡ ☼ 🕆 💧

🏱 ✌ 🏱 ✡ ☼ 🕆 💧

🏱 ✌ 🏱 ✡ ☼ 🕆 💧

🏱 ✌ 🏱 ✡ ☼ 🕆 💧

🏱 ✌ 🏱 ✡ ☼ 🕆 💧


	10. Reflection II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First impressions are hard when you're an anxious wreck.
> 
> They're even harder when someone recognizes that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, this took me way longer to finish than I thought it would. 😔 Work and getting ready for the new Dragon AGE campaign I'll be running soon has been eating up all of my time and leaving me feel super drained.
> 
> Fun fact: This was actually supposed to be longer! Originally, my plan was to run this chapter straight through to the Reader's first session with Paps. But I was getting pretty impatient to finally get a substantive new chapter out, and with 5 pages @ 10 pt font, I was ready to call it good.
> 
> So as far as fics go, I'll still probably be focusing on this one for a while, I got a ton of new inspiration while I was working on this chapter and that helped flesh out some details/fill in some plot holes later on in the story. But I'm also trying really hard to get ready to run that new campaign before I lose my nerve again. It's been about a year so I've last run a game of anything, and longer than that since I've gotten a group together that lasted for more than three or four sessions. A lot of that is because of my own personal depression and anxiety issues, every time I try to get back in the seat I fall out of it and call it off. Mehhhhh.

For someone who had buried herself deep in the largest, most urban city she could find, you always seemed to be trapped in forests of pressed white pulp colored red, black, and blue by ink. Row after row of trees – reams of paperwork stacked so high you _swear_ you can remember them cracking the ceiling from the pressure on at least two occasions, their rustling leaves the shiny metal and plastic clips and rings that barely held any semblance of order to it all – broke your line of sight to the unremarkable window and concealed the somehow even more unremarkable view of the office parking lot below.

When you accepted this job, you knew that things were going to be hard. You had never had the opportunity to attend college. Your parents told you the day you had your high school diploma in hand, that was it. In their eyes it would have been a waste of already hard-earned money to send you anywhere. The overbearing sea of malaise that had claimed you as puberty began to set in – or "the lazy-ass work ethic, or lack  _thereof_ , that you inherited from your mother" – meant that you had barely skated by through your high school graduation. And the only time you had asked  _Him_ if He would help you get your degree,  _any_ degree – well, suffice it to say, you learned very quickly not to make ridiculously selfish requests of Him like that again. So you knew full well that even an opportunity like this was going to come with a catch or two. In this case, you nearly broke your back doing all the back-end labor no one else wanted to do, for the smallest amount your employers could legally risk paying you, on top of the regular duties that relied on your recent certifications as an Encouragement Counselor.

But even your wildest nightmares would never have cast you as a nearly broken-down lumberjack, haunted by the mocking sneer of her arch nemesis: Paper work. No matter how many of these trees you cut down and sent out as useful lumber, another intern or therapist would come swooping into your broom closet of an office with an armful of new intake forms and follow up notes for you to turn over.

Still, you were finally doing good work that actually helped people! If you were being honest with yourself, always having so many patients that needed your personal little brand of help made for a very good distraction from your own life. Maybe that was a little voyeuristic of you? Plus no one asked you disgusting, often-drunken questions about whether they could "check out what you got down there." Well, except for Jerry, but it was easy enough to ditch him once he started getting toasty at those office parties.

It was there, pulling together the chicken scratch notes of the office's most incompetent doctor, when a nasally whine pierced through the comforting dim hum of your office's cheap AC unit nearly-screaming your name. Ancient survival responses honed from years you would rather forget immediately crammed about a gallon of raw, unfiltered adrenaline into your veins and you snapped up and away from your desk in an agonizing mixture of shock and fright – only for your left arm to collide _head-on_ with the nearest stack of papers, immediately collapsing it into the next, into the next, and into the next. Before your eyes could register the absolute horror that you had just unleashed upon yourself, literally _thousands_ of loose papers fluttered mockingly around the room. You had never wondered before what, exactly, a planet's worth of pain and sorrow might look like, but at that moment you believed you had a pretty decent idea.

But your soul refused to die. Heaving deeply helped you find your center as you gripped the far edges of your small wooden desk to pull yourself up from the horrific hunch in your posture, several unsettling cracks echoing from your tortured spine as you did. Just in time, too, as the first of those obnoxiously drab yellow-grey tentacles came flopping around the frame of your open door. Ugh. There was that _slime_ again. Jerry must have just blown his nose all over them. He repeated your name, his voice carrying an edge of irritation the second time, before his saucer-shaped body toddled fully into view.

"What are you _doing_ back here, temp??? You're on the clock, this isn't the time to be throwing a party. Where was _my_ invite anyway?"

_Deep, calming breaths_ , you carefully reminded yourself as you fixed your rudest coworker – your  _only_ rude coworker since you started at the office, come to think of it – with the brightest internally-dead-and-rotting smile you could dredge up from your former customer service days.

"Jerry, I'm  _not_ a temp anymore. You know that!" You laughed brightly as you quickly crossed the few short steps to the door and all but shoved him out of it with your sheer presence. "And again,  _please_ stop screaming for me from across the office! It's disruptive to the other counselors! If you need something from me, come back here and talk to me."

"...Yeah, whatever, _temp_." Defeated, you let go of a hopeful breath you didn't even realize you were holding and it dimly registered that he was talking _at_ you as he walked away. Picking his nose. "One of the doctors told me to come get you, there was some kind of mix-up with the scheduling and one of the new patients dragged his sorry behind all the way out here for nothing. You're supposed to give them an early intake and start working your 'magic,' or whatever. Their file is somewhere on my desk, I'll-"

"Don't worry, I'll grab it! If the patient is in the waiting room anyway, I can kill two birds with one stone!" Desperation as you've rarely known it flooded through you as you tightly gripped the hem of your burgundy pencil skirt and poured on the gas to squeeze past Jerry in the cramped hallway, taking all the care in the world not to brush up against _any_ part of him in the process. You had a strict "No Jerry" rule when it came to paper. And technology. And just about anything you were expected to handle, really. You heard him grumble something about human blood-thirst as you left him behind, ducking and weaving through a menagerie of both Human and Monster professionals going about their daily work.

Your part of the office was relatively quiet, but the further you strode towards the front desk the louder the ambient noise grew. Phones rang in several directions at once, their high-pitched cries carrying easily over the formless cacophony of voices that carried snippets of conversations that you passed. A few of your coworkers greeted you in passing as you zoomed by, and Gordon – the portly ex-psychiatrist who seemed fiendishly determined to get you to open up to your peers – shared a quick hug with you on his way into the office from a long weekend. You asked him politely about how he and his estranged wife were doing with couple's therapy, and he grimaced his way into a tired smile before telling you that she had agreed to move back into their house out in Ebott suburbs.

Eventually you made your way into the receptionist's office. Maybe calling it an "office" was over-selling it a little bit. It was basically the snub-nosed end of the hallway that opened up into the waiting room beyond. Large glass panes – bulletproof, now, after anti-monster extremists had thought to make an easy target of the "race traitors" working there last year before discovering that their Monster colleagues _and_ patients were more than willing to defend them – helped close up the area so that it wasn't just the office equivalent of an island counter.

Curious, you decided to cast a cursory glance around the lobby while you sifted through the absolute disorganized _chaos_ that Jerry had made of the reception desk. God you hated it when Jerry worked.

You saw the usual smattering of familiar and unfamiliar faces waiting for a chance to see their doctors, some alone, some with monster companions, a rare few with human ones. Lesser Dog perked up and started to get up from the floor when he noticed you, only for his ears and tail to droop at the apologetic shake of your head to let him know that you weren't going to be working with him that day. To this day your heart still hadn't fully recovered from the pitiful, keening whine or those giant, sparkling eyes that threatened to flood the office with unrestrained tears.

Eventually you managed to tear your gaze away from that unholy pout, only for the startling sight waiting for you at the other end of the room to blow your eyes wide open as your breath caught down your throat in a heavy lump. The _monster fucking mascot_ was filling at least two seats on one of the nearby lounges, spine ramrod straight and his crimson scarf billowing in a strange breeze no one else in the room seemed to feel, while he used one of his long-fingered hands to fuss with the gleaming suit of fucking _armor_ he had apparently somehow been allowed to wear past the first floor's run-down metal detectors. The other was wrapped tightly around the hands of another skeleton sitting so close to him that their legs almost spilled over his lap as they all but possessively wrapped themselves around him. You plunged into the deepest recesses of your memory that you dared touch, but you couldn't recall ever seeing another bone-ified skeleton – at least not one that seemed this desperate to physically attach themselves to the

As you continued sifting through the mess of Jerry's work, pointedly avoiding physical contact with any of the _stickier_ sheets by warily nudging them around with a spare tissue from the breast pocket of your blouse, you let curiosity string you along and found your eyes occasionally shifting back up to take in the details of this fellow skeleton.

Whatever forces had ballooned the Monsters as they left the confines of the Underground seemed to have "overlooked" them just a tad. Of course, in the flats you'd chosen for work today, they were still clearly tall enough that they would tower over you if they ever disentangled themselves from their companion long enough to stand. They looked to be about 7 feet in height, so no small fry by any means, it was just that the Monster mascot himself was easily clearing 9. A plush, azure sweater had its hood pulled up and over their skull, clearly a gesture meant to help them feel closed off from the world, but what once might have been an over-sized accessory was now wrapped tightly around the massive oak tree of what you assumed to be this mystery skeleton's rib cage. It did its best to conceal the smaller skeleton's size but it could only blunt so much of the instinctual shock of primal terror that griped at you from deeply compartmentalized memories in the presence of someone that was clearly large enough to _break_ you if they so chose.

Something worked its way across your spine like lightning at the thought. A dark kind of shiver. You weren't sure whether that was out of fear alone or not. That spike of adrenaline only sharpened at the piercing look they cast at anyone foolish enough to stray too close to either skeleton. Which, as it turned out, was about anywhere on their half of the waiting room. Unfortunately the receptionist desk wasn't exactly _centered_ , and they finally seemed to realize that someone was milling about behind the glass aimlessly with their jaw wide open to catch flies. A squat, rounded skull, almost cartoonish in its proportions, snapped around with a not-so-cartoonish crack of the vertebrae and the full stabbing force of that paranoid, possessive glare cut right through your stomach. The force of it all but physically _shoved_ you backwards with a strangled squeak of fright, which itself gave way to a strangled cry as your foot landed on a small stack of papers Jerry had just left laying in the middle of the floor!

Briefly, you considered drafting out a fitting eulogy for your pride as the papers flew out from under your weight and took your footing with them. At least falling backwards onto your ass pulled you out of that unwelcome staring contest that your mounting anxiety wouldn't let you break. Not a wasted sacrifice, then. Your sense of professionalism merely sacrificed itself in a glorious last stand so that the beat of your fear-addled heart could finally come back down below the legal speed limit. Yes, this was a victory. One that was _totally_ not Pyrrhic.

Oh, you hoped Jerry never caught wind of this. You would never hear the end of it.

Deciding that, if you were going to be down here anyway, you'd at least save _some_ of your dignity and clean up the damn hurricane that Jerry, you reached forward to scoop up the loose sheets into the manila – oh. A shocking splash of yellow, your name hastily scrawled across in faded black ink. Uncharitable visions regarding that sliming saucer's physical health danced across your thoughts, but you quickly centered yourself with a sharp breath underneath tightly closed eyes. The smile you stretched across your face was warm, soothing, dare you say _inviting_. Yes, that complete and total stranger who you'd never met before watched you absolutely lose your shit and drop to the deck like a stone. Yes, that was literally their first impression of you. But dammit, you had a _job_ to do and you were going to go out there like a big girl and _do it_! Quaking hands struggled to smooth out the new wrinkles in your already worn skirt and once you were finally sure you'd pulled the very last page out of every nook and cranny underneath that blasted desk you sharply stretched yourself out to your full height, folder snapping smartly closed in your fingers, and threw your shoulders back to strike that power pose Gordon practically forced onto you at the office Christmas party last year. Crimson heat prickled lightly at the top of your cheeks as you toiled to convince yourself that you could play this off with the right sort of attitude. You just had to project the image of being the sort of can-do, reliable woman that you were known as.

Of course, no sooner had you actually managed to deceive yourself into believing there was any merit to this silly notion than did your trembling eyes find themselves being virtually hunted down and captured by that same fiery intensity. It took everything in you to avoid delivering an uninspiring encore, let alone holding your trembling legs still enough to risk walking. If you squinted hard enough, you could almost see the skeletal hands closing in around you to catch you unawares in their trap. Sweat that had begun to bead on your brow earlier was now slowly beginning to pour down your cheeks in jagged rivulets – thank Heavens you had pulled for your waterproof makeup today – and you were desperate to find any opening, no matter how small, through which you might escape the soul-clenching embarrassment that was threatening to swallow you whole. So you stiffly gripped the edges of the folder and shoved it almost parallel to your face, yanking it open to form at least some kind of barrier between yourself and your visual assailant. As soon as you felt isolated enough to finally unscrew your eyes – that you never realized you had screwed shut – you let your chest fill out with a deep, calming breath and flicked quickly to the first page to finally find out who your new patient was going to –

_ Oh _ .

It wasn't uncommon for you to realize and accept that, at some point, someone in charge of something  _ important _ in the universe had run all out of roles to give in the grand script of life when it came to be your turn. All out of roles except for the Butt of the Joke. But  _ this _ .  _ This _ was just not. Funny. Of  _ course _ that charming dazzle, brighter than the early-morning sun after a fresh snowstorm, sparkling off of brilliant teeth drawn back along with two small, empty sockets into the sweetest, most jubilant vision of excitement that you thought you could ever possible imagine, would be staring back up at you from the patient's file. Of  _ course _ that name, that damnable name, would be printed onto the eggshell-toned stationary of the Acclimation Center in bold black ink as if to mock you for ever even entertaining the notion that that day might have just been another unremarkable slog through the drudgery of things as they were back then. Shakily, you leaned forward and – only after pulling another tissue from your blouse – pressed the sharp tip of one dark-painted nail against the intercom button.

"P-Papyrus...? Please come to the front..."

While surely everyone who had been sitting on the other half of the waiting room must have recognized your new client and his companion, the immediate hushed reaction truly gave off the feeling of surprise and anticipation. Or maybe it was more frightened shock and curious apprehension. Whatever the general mood out there, you noticed that the two skeletons had their own immediate response as well. They both leaned into one another, faces carefully concealed behind a suddenly strategically-bundled scarf and conveniently-raised hood, only swift and sharp whispers flying between them. You weren't sure what they were saying. Whatever they were speaking, it clearly wasn't English. Or any Human language that you recognized, for that matter. It sounded almost...rattling? Was that racist? You weren't sure. God, you were a  _ trained _ Monster-Human relations expert for fuck's sake, how were you sniveling around like you were still wet behind the ears?

Eventually the taller of the two sharply withdrew their hands from the other and quickly stood, a soft, stretched sigh of resigned disappointment slipping through their clenched teeth (sounding suspiciously like " Nyeeeeeh... "). The slow shake of his head as he motioned towards you was met only by agitated resignation – an explosive puff of air out of one side of the smaller skeleton's mouth, as they stood up to begrudgingly follow their – father? – to the receptionist's desk.

"Hello, Human. Yes, 'Tis I – The Great Papyrus...!" Maybe holding his patient file up and open to the blown-up scan of his driver's license photo was  _ not _ a good idea, because  _ damn _ if you didn't feel like someone had delivered a supersonic blow to your gut, only to follow up their act of gratuitous violence by reaching out and tearing away all the vibrancy of the world as it hit your senses. Clearly Papyrus was doing his best to exude enough pep as to overwhelm the senses of others and convince them that he was still the same carefree, fiercely passionate go-getter you clearly saw in that photograph. Honestly, had you been almost anyone else, you probably would have fallen for it. But that instinctive knack for reading Monsters that landed you this job was hardly ruffled, let alone fooled.

The worst part was probably his smile. Too wide, too thin, stretched out as if unfit for the size of his face but still forced to accommodate the space of it. It never quite reached his eyes, which you almost felt more than saw were drawn in slightly from beneath. You had a feeling if he had flesh like you, the ring around his eyes would still be inflamed from the deluge of broken tears you could very nearly see pouring from them in the back of your mind. Holding his photo by his face, it was almost like staring at two completely different Monsters. You weren't' sure what had brought him to the Acclimation Center, but from what you remembered of his personality from voraciously stuffing your proverbial face with every piece of monster news and media you could find after you discovered that they  _ were _ real, no matter what He had told you, you knew something very wrong had snapped very deep inside of him. The smile on your face quickly loosens up, transforming from professional and calculated to honest and compassionate.

"...It's a pleasure to meet you, Papyrus. Welcome to the Ebott City Acclimation Center." You followed your official greeting by supplying the both of them with your name, before you slowly opened his file again. "First, please let me apologize on behalf of your doctor and the Acclimation Center for the mistake on our scheduling. We'll make sure that this never happens again. Now I have to warn you – because of that, I haven't actually  _ seen _ your file before just now. So if we work together, I'll be starting from scratch for the first few sessions until I've had a chance to read through it and follow up with your primary psychiatric provider. Is that alright with you? If not, we can make sure that you get correctly scheduled for sometime..." Your fingers deftly flew across the clear, flimsy keyboard of the office computer. "...Actually, we could fit you back in next week! That would give whoever handles your case time to properly prep themselves." You move to flick your gaze back up to Papyrus, momentarily drawing in on yourself and rushing it past the burning aura your senses couldn't ignore radiating from beside him. It felt like someone had turned a ghost pepper inside out and crammed it down your nasal cavity.

Several seconds of tense silence stretched out between you as Papyrus turned an equally intense gaze on your face. Empty sockets made it impossible to tell for sure but, with the slight narrow angle that overtook them, you got the distinct impression that he was searching through yours and trying to catalogue whatever it was he found there.

"...No," he finally countered,  "I Think That I Would Like To Work With You. After All, I Am Already Here, Am I Not? Perish The Thought That I Would Allow Such Inefficiency As To Turn Around, Especially After Waiting, Without Ever Even Doing What I Came Here To Do." You could tell that the smile he ended with was supposed to have enough pep as to appear genuine, and you took enough pity on him not to think about it one second longer than you needed to. If maintaining a strong and mature demeanor in front of his child was this important to him, you were beyond ecstatic to oblige him with equal enthusiasm. To that end you smiles brightly and lightly clapped your hands.

"Wonderful! Now, um." You let your gaze slide up and down his form, hulking even as he was slouched over to get as close to eye level as his height would allow. "Normally, I would invite you back to my office for our session, but I'm afraid it's currently, ah, unavailable. That, and it was cobbled together out of a supply closet, and I'm afraid it's not quite large enough for you to be comfortable in. If you'd like, I could run back to get my coat and we could find a nice space outside! Have you eaten yet?" Papyrus shook his head and muttered something about the trek out here making lunch overdue. "There's a wonderful Thai spot down the block, and just a few more down the street we have a beautiful park that we could sit in and chat over lunch. After all, it's a beautiful day outside! Birds are singing, flowers are bl-"

You almost screamed as Papyrus' child slammed their bony palms down on the counter space in front of them to cut in with a strained wobble to the floating pinpricks of light within their eye sockets. Even Papyrus jumped slightly in shock.

"...heh. you said they put you in a supply closet, but you must have been serious about it bein' uncomfortable."

Speechless. You were stunned speechless – although it may have been as much from confusion as from the way you came damn-near close to pissing yourself when you saw up-close just how fast and  _ strong _ the little tyke – no. That wasn't the voice of a child. It was too deep, too weary, too clipped. It rumbled through the room like the rolling, simmering fury of a thunderstorm, crashing against your skin and vibrating straight through your bones in a way that left your whole body tense with the fear that if you moved even one muscle, the predator would tire of toying with their prey and do the only other thing that comes naturally.

"I-um-ah... Wh-why do you say that?"

"because clearly you aren't gettin' enough  _ sweep _ . I saw you take that little  _ pill _ there, doc. clearly you think we're judgin' you for it, but you shouldn't be  _ moppin' _ around when you've got a job to do. or are we just gonna'  _ spray _ here and  _ caulk _ about it some more?"

Obviously, you were being scolded. By a complete stranger. Normally this might have irritated you in some way.

_ But holy shit _ .

Your hands shot out for the edge of the desk in a desperate struggle to hold your vertical stature as, after blinking at him owlishly for perhaps a few seconds longer than you would ever be comfortable admitting to before it clicked, you burst into a shrieking cackle. It brought you low, bent over the desk with your forearms supporting your weight on top of it, while tears began spilling from your eyes when it finally caught up to you just how laborious it had become even just to breathe. Meanwhile, Papyrus had thrown his gloved hands towards the ceiling (and very nearly scraped his knuckles against it, thank God for his gloves) as eyes nearly exploded out of his face in consternation and his foot stomped repeatedly on the floor.

What the  **fuck** where had those eyes come from!?

"Brother! Your Lack of Decorum Continues To Astound Me! This Is A Medical Center! A Place Of Somber Reflection On The Balance Between Life And Death! This Is Not The, Ugh,  _ Laugh Factory! _ "

Despite your near-incapacitation – holy  _ shit _ the little one really  _ was _ dangerous – you managed to catch Papyrus' admonishments through your vivacious stream of giggling. It shocked you to hear that the other skeleton was his brother, of all things, given the size disparity and the fact that you don't remember ever hearing about the Monster mascot  _ having _ a brother. Still, you mused wistfully, who were you to judge? It's not like you and – Well. That thought sobered you up quickly enough. With the laughter dissipating, you reached up to gracefully brush a few tears from your cheeks with a finger.

"Oh-oh, no, oh God, I don't think I've even  _ seen _ any caulk here in year-" Your voice broke into a dismayed, gurgling cry as you realized exactly how that sounded. "W-wait, no, I didn't – that wasn't-" That flaming crimson that dusted across your cheeks earlier immediately flared across your shoulders and chest like a wildfire. Maybe, you thought, you might finally have that heart attack everybody kept trying to scare you with. At least that would put you out of your misery. Alas, from the terrifying glimmer of his eye lights, you could already tell that the predator had finally zeroed in on its next meal and had no intention of letting you off that easily.

"wow doc. what a  _ ballsy _ comment to make to a new patient. kinda' re- _ dick _ -ulous if you ask me. luckily for you my bro and i have some pretty  _ hard bones _ , so words don't break 'em easily."

By the time this absolute demon of a man finished with you, words were a thing of the past. An ancient, antiquated relic of a bygone era the world would never again see. Well, either that or your temperature had finally shot up so high that the speech centers of your brain had simply liquefied. In either case, it was all you could do to sputter several butchered apologies jumping between them as quickly as you could think of them which only ended up tying your tongue into knots.

"yikes, okay, it's okay there doc, bring 'er down a couple of notches. didn't mean to scare you like that, no- _ body _ here took any offense. Promise." He gently pressed his hand to the glass between you while he spoke, quietly tapping a finger against it to catch and hold your attention. Eventually you worked down from a near panic attack to just a jittery bundle of hyperventilating nerves.

"Speak For Yourself, Brother! I Take  _ Great _ Offense To Your Horrific And Inappropriate Puns!"

"...heh. sorry paps, ill do better." After fixing an affectionate gaze at his brother, the smaller skeleton drew his hand away from the glass and shoved it back into the pocket of his hoodie.  "anyway, name's sans. this here's my little bro, papyrus. he's the one strong-armed into crawlin' into this place, im just here for moral support."

You nodded, slowly working on fixing your smile back into place. "O-oh, well, it's so nice to meet you both, then! Let me just head back real quick and I'll go grab my jacket, and then we can head out!"

Nearly sprinting down the hallway, you very-nearly vaulted over Jerry's waddling form as he finally decided it was worth returning to work. When he scoffed at you, you quickly scoped out the hallway around you to make sure that you were alone, and while jogging quickly backwards, violently threw both of your middle fingers in his direction.

Goddamn  _ Jerry _ . Of course he would let you make a fool out of yourself with the goddamn  _ mascot _ .

Taking the last turn into your office, you grabbed the soft burgundy suit jacket off of the wall-mounted hook, and quickly slipped into its flattering shape. You felt your confidence slowly returning as you unlocked your phone to re-purpose its front-facing camera as a mirror, drinking in the smartly-dressed woman staring back at you. The corner of your lips twitched upwards slightly.

You vaguely wondered why he went with the hard-on joke instead of the classic  _ boner _ .

**Author's Note:**

> Kink / Trigger Warnings:
> 
> * A likely poorly-described and medically-illiterate implementation of a coma.
> 
> * Definite Daddy & Mommy kink.
> 
> * Polyamorous relationship - you fucked the whooooooole gang eventually and they damn well wanna' keep you around.
> 
> * BDSM (spoiler: Reader is an emotionally troubled, mentally ill trans girl who uses kink to cope with her traumas and is not shamed about being extremely submissive). Spoiler 2, Electric Boogaloo: Reader's kinky tastes are also extremely diverse, so you get a totally different kind of dynamic with each partner!
> 
> * Transitioning cost Reader her family and former friends. There is trauma here that will be explored.
> 
> * Implications and non-explicit description of Reader's past experiences with domestic abuse (physical and emotional, including gas lighting) & spousal rape.
> 
> * Return of Reader's abuser, and he's worse than ever before.
> 
> * But nobody's gonna' save you, so Reader has to learn how to save herself like a big girl or go down in flames for good.
> 
> * Probably way too-involved a concept to be writing on the fly the way I am. Fuck it, though, beta readers are for nerds who know how to write quality stuff and all I write is filthy smut.


End file.
